So yeah, a Jai Wolf tweet caused Ghastly to go on a lengthy Twitter discussion regarding race, politics, and “staying in your lane” the other day – but some users weren’t satisfied with mere discussion. They wanted to witness passion, romance!
https://twitter.com/viraldan/status/835722118641770498
Well, not one to leave the crowd wanting, Josh Pan stepped in and unveiled one of the strangest and most engrossing DJ fan fictions that the world has ever seen (not that there are so many to compare). 
Grab some popcorn and your favorite Snuggie, strap in and here we go…
https://twitter.com/joshpan/status/898375454318514176
“who is that”, a voice calls from the bathroom.
jai sits up, grabbing a pillow to cover his privates.
a silver haired figure emerges.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
with the lights so dim, jai squints his eyes. he sees a naked man with holographic sunglasses, wearing a soft white robe.
“ghastly?!”
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“jai, why are you in my room?”
jai sits there for a moment, wondering what the course of action is.. he stands up and the pillow drops.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
ghastly gasps. i’m not going to say why, but immediately after, he drops his robe as well and the fire alarm goes off.
both of them pause.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“i’m sorry man. i forgot i was naked!” jai exclaims.
“don’t worry man. happens to me too.”
there’s a knock at the door.
ghastly: whomst?
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“it must be a hotel attendant checking on the fire alarm” jai whispers. “is this my room or yours? i need to talk to insomniac.”
*knock*
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
ghastly hesitates for a moment ae the door is kicked down.
he quickly hides next to jai under the bed as two men stumble into the room.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“did you bleach your asshole? i told you i like models who bleach their asshole.” one man angrily states.
jai looks at ghasly in disbelief.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
jai: holy shit, g. that’s kanye. (whispers)
ghastly: i thought it sounded like him!! (whispers)kanye throws the other man on the bed.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“yeezy, first off,” the other man exclaims. “i am your intern. i write toplines and melodies. whether i bleach my asshole is up to me.”
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
the intern flips on a switch and lights flood the room.
jai: holy fuck. that’s josh pan. (whispers)
ghastly: why is josh in my/your room?— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
josh takes out a small container filled with black powder and pours a bit on his chest, lighting it on fire.
the flames glow green.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
kanye takes off his shirt and lays on top of josh, their chests touching and their faces frozen with concentration.
josh starts speaking.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“hsir rashi isap wem jekw ksk jeek”
ghastly: what is that? sounds like some slytherin shit.
jai: tongues. i’ve heard him speak it once.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
as josh’s voice intensifies, kanye screams.
josh and kanye start to burn together, their skin melting – fusing together into a pink goo.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
at this point, ghastly decides he’s had enough.
“jai, this is too much. first i come out of the shower to find a naked you. now this?!”
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
he slides out from under the bed.
jai: stop dude. come back. you don’t know what they’re capable of.
too late.
ghastly screams.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
this is what he saw.
“holy fuck. what are you?” he asks.
jai stands up. he figures he can’t hide for long anyway.
he also gasps. pic.twitter.com/wmvPmJHsAv
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
the pink figure looks at ghastly – looks at jai – looks back at ghastly – looks back at jai.
he starts to spit a white goo at them. pic.twitter.com/B2WBQowBZ1
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
they wipe their faces of the sticky white substance.
ghastly/jai: what did you do with josh?! (in unison)
the pink figure stops spitting.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
the pink humanoid starts to smile at them creepily, laughing & sending chills down jai’s back. he’s never heard a laugh like this before. pic.twitter.com/069gOi8Feh
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“don’t you understand? we are all josh pan. look at your hands, you fools.”
jai and ghastly look down at their hands – their palms yellow.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
they run to the bathroom, washing off the white goo from their hands and bodies.
the more they wash, the quicker their skin turns yellow.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
jai: i think i know what’s happening. look at my arm..
a tattoo starts to appear – a birdcage.
j: this is one of josh’s tattoos. omfg.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
ghastly runs back into the room.
the pink humanoid is on the bed doing a very impressive downward dog.
“do you understand now, david?”
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
ghastly: are we.. becoming you? who are you? and why haven’t you ev-
pink thing: i tried, david. i tried to tell everyone. earth.. flat..
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
pink thing: no one believed me, so i went to kanye. well, technically, i am also kanye. but pre-kanye josh went to kanye to discuss plans.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
“now we are one. kanye is the battery. he generates power by extracting it from the soul of kim’s booty. josh is the virus. we are perfect.”
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
ghastly looks in the mirror & faints – unable to process the fact that his hair has turned black and his eyes slanted.
to be continued.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
It was another 8 hours until the story continued…
the pink humanoid whips out a big black canister and grabs a condom from the bedside table.
“if you don’t mind, i’m using this rubber.”
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
jai and ghastly look at each other, wondering if this mans is really about to do whippets out of a condom.
all of a sudden, the door opens.
— josh pan (@joshpan) August 18, 2017
At time of publishing, it’s been five hours of silence. Hopefully, this picks back up. But for now, I can safely assume that everyone who has read this is both physically and mentally exhausted.
what the f i love josh pan