Our homies at Fest 300 just released their tried and true formula for assembling the ultimate party squad, and we love it! So much so, that we thought we’d try our own list, keeping a few of the same positions, but throwing in a few more from experience.
The Elder
The Elder has been raving since the stone age, and is a self-sufficient master of PLUR. Don’t get it twisted, he’s still all about the crew vibes, but he’s prepared to have a great time no matter what, and is stacked with everything you might need. When confronted with no-chill, defer to their wisdom.
The Planner
“No! Carl forgot to buy his ticket…” No worries, the Planner has it covered. The ultimate festival champ, they’re always swooping an extra ticket just-in-case, scoping flights, booking hotels, and colluding with the Quartermaster and Iron Chef to make sure everything is perfect for their crew.
The Quartermaster
The brains behind assembling the ultimate festival HQ. Since last year, they’ve been thinking up countless ways to make camp even more badass, and they came prepared. Re-purposed parachute to use as a sun shade? Yup. All the Hobby Lobby props you could want? Done. They brought enough glow sticks, paint, bandanas, and more to outlast a year long festival stint, and you’re invited. But above all, beware of the camp totem… it came to party.
The Iron Chef
Seriously, if you won’t take care of yourself, someone has to. The Iron Chef brought a stove (smuggled in if need be) and has you covered for breakfast and lunch, but dinner is always a free-for-all. Candy is plentiful, snacks are ready for the plundering, and beers for everyone, you just have to ask.
The Industry Insider
They’ve partied backstage, know all the newest tracks that are going to blow your mind over the weekend, and can’t wait to introduce you to their other rave fam. The Industry Insider gets around, but they’re not jaded about it. When in doubt about which stage to charge, let them take point.
The Solo Artist
Try as you might, the Solo Artist will always stray from the group, and usually strolls back with a new friend. Wisdom: Don’t search to find the deserter. The festival gods will reunite das crew when the time is right.
The Ravestar
Gets everyone stoked. Period dot. When you’re losing face to our lord and savior, Bassnectar, the Ravestar has already thrown theirs into the wind. This guy is in danger of losing his limbs to centripetal force, and is bringing you along for the ride.
The Smuggler
Stressed about security? Confer the Smuggler. They’ll give you all the deets on how to pass the checkpoint, and even take the burden off your hands in some cases. They’re confident, covert, and oh-so-coy with the guards.
The Crowd Splitter
Trying to get to the front? Need to assemble a group journey to the bathrooms? The Crowd Splitter is the achilles of battling the masses. They come in all shapes and sizes, with varying styles of getting there. Smaller Crowd Splitters might take advantage of the tiniest opening, cracking it wide open for their crew to follow, and the larger folks might just trek through, parting the seas with their sheer size.
The Tiny Bladder
“But it’s the middle of Mr. Carmack?!” Their bladder doesn’t care if they literally just got back from the restrooms. Everyone’s been telling them to stay hydrated, and that Camelbak hasn’t been drinking itself. But the night is coming on, and it’s kind of dark by that tree over there….
The Dynamic Duo
The Dynamic Duo is the ultimate couple. These two have been together for years and have a love for one another that infects the entire crew, even strangers. The Duo is known to herd lost souls into their care and nurture them with the best of vibes before turning them lose into the night. These two will have just a good time raving front row as they will hanging back and holding down the high ground.
The Noob
Sure, this might be their first festival, but one way or another, they’re going to have something to write home about. The Noob experience can go one of two ways: full on Woogie conversion, or crying to Dad on the phone to get picked up. The choice is up to them.
The Hopeless Romantic
“Everyone is so damn beautiful here and they all have such radiant personalities and my hormones are raging.” The Hopeless Romantic can either be a wonderful person, or a total creep. Either way, if you bring a romantic along, be ready for a plus one.
The Fan Boi
But, actually, like, they have to see Adventure Club. And they need you to go with. Too bad if you’d rather see Pegboard Nerds.
The Vibekiller
Well, no. Fuck this guy. If he finds his way into your crew, starts bragging about how last year was better, and your impeccable vibes don’t convert his pessimism…you know what to do.
