In the era of online dating speciality websites have popped off. Animal lovers, conspiracy theorists, and stoners all have their own niche in the online dating scene. Finally, EDM lovers everywhere have a turn to shine in the sphere of digital love.
I’ve heard it said that ‘a couple who raves together stays together’. Well, now this phrase can be put to the litmus test with EDM Date, a dating site for ravers looking for some online love. Seriously though, this one made me check my calendar to make sure it wasn’t April Fool’s Day.
From what I can gather, this site is just like any other dating site, except for people who really care about raving… like, really, really, care about raving. Tired of your significant other complaining about you coming home in the wee hours of the morning still turnt up from that big show? Or are you just looking to find Molly? (the girl, not the drug). Then apparently there’s a solution for you…
What baffles me though is that there’s dating website based around an activity that inherently is about bringing people together… That and casual sex. So if you want to find someone who’s into paying $500 for a festival ticket, (or maybe paying for yours instead) EDM Date may be your best bet.
The profile creation stuff is pretty generic, mentioning very little about rave essentials such as spirithood animal preference, pounds of kandi owned, or favorite pill type. I’d personally like to see some artist to song matching placement tests and a test for ability to distinguish obscure genres in EDM. Even as someone who’s not looking for anybody, I’m very tempted to get my own EDM Date profile and see how many of the rave hunnies come flockin’… Or not.
Go find you some EDM love here with EDM Date
What is this?
One time a rave girl like that came out of a video game. She told me she wanted me and leaned into me with her big blue eyes and brown bangs. I was mesmerized until the key around her neck shimmered from the reflections of the lasers.
The Key I had seen before, it was the key to KandeeLand in the Kingdom of Bass, where the King of Trance reigned with the glow stick of the gods! I know this girl was the gatekeeper of rave. I grabbed the key with one swift motion and pulled it from her neck. She looked at me in shock. I grinned with delight knowing what to do. She was just like the Giant, and I was Ender, I jabbed that fucking key in her near over dilated eye. Blood sprayed like a Quentin Tarantino movie from the orbital orifice as she screamed. But I knew the digital scream of the robot gatekeeper GoGo’s and simple laughed as I turned the key unlocking the light gate. The beat built, the song climaxed leading up to the break as I turned the key slowly clockwise into the warm sticky eye socket, and her screams escalating with the snares and the hoovers as the strobe light illuminated with vigor the coming of the bass drop aaaaaaaaand BAM!
She stopped screaming, and went limp to the floor in a pool of non-iridescent blood. It was then when I realized that the robo-gogo-gatekeepers-of-bass had iridescent blood, not sticky farm deep warm red blood. The damn acid was wearing off. This girl was probably dead.
I was surrounded by a circle of ravers staring at me with wide-eyed like pandas sucking on pacifiers. I had to think quick so I began to pop and lock around the twitch body until dance of circle inevitably began then I dodged out of the club before security found me.
Wow, why would you put her picture on your site?
Wait? What was this site about again? I did read all that stuff tl;dr.
My penis bled.
I master bated spoof hard my sick bled last night.
Dick*
Sooo*
I am gonna pound so much on this site and use these raver chix kandi bracelts to strangle their necks as one holds my balls so I last longer